A SCRIPTURE OF CHOICE

A SCRIPTURE OF CHOICE 

   It is always an interesting time, for some, when the Rev. Friendly steps into his air-conditioned office and positions himself behind his solid oak-wood, multi-purpose desk. He comforts himself in a high-back, leather-bound, adjustable desk chair, and rests his feet in ankle deep carpet kept fluffy clean by the black maid servant. His mission is to decide the topic that he will use for the Sunday morning sermon.
 

   His meditation period is brief and then he enters into the long process of elimination. “I cannot preach about working on the Sabbath,” he says to himself, “because I’m not gonna use the pulpit to condemn my own actions. And, it would be a mistake to quote the scripture concerning a rich man’s chances of entering heaven because I do not want to offend the ‘big pocketbooks’ of this congregation. Also, I’m not going to give up my house or my car. And I’m certainly not gonna give up the beach house.  Being the pastor of a big church is stressful, and I need a place where I can relax and get away from it all.  When you’re doing the Lord’s work he’s gonna put you up in a big house and let you drive a big, nice car. That’s just the way it is. Now, that thing about Jesus walking all the time or riding on the back of a donkey was at another time and another place, and it does not apply to us modern-day preachers. Also, I just don’t see the point of bringing up the subject about the divorce rate among straight couples or talking about a man shaving his beard or a woman cutting her hair or even that thing about eating pork.  I’m not gonna talk about gluttony, no, sir, because I’m not gonna miss out on Sister Margaret’s Sunday’s fried chicken.  My, oh my, what will it be? --------- Decisions, decisions, ---- but by golly, I think I’ve got it.  This Sunday I’ll preach about them homo-sex-uals.  It’s always easy to stir up that self-righteous bunch about them homos, and the more I can stir ’em up the bigger the collection plate.  Yes, sir, that’s just what I’ll do.  Well, it’s to time to close the book on this one.  Yes, yes, by golly, I think I’ve got this one in the bag. So Sunday, here I come!”