HEAVENLY HOMOS
“Step right up. Who’s next?”
“My name is Solomon and I demand that you
open this gate and let me in.”
“I don’t care what your name is, Jesus left
me in charge and the only way you’re gonna get through this gate is if your
name is in this book.”
“Okay, go ahead and check, see if my name is
in there.”
“Stand over there a minute because I’ve got
a lot of pages to thumb through. What’s your name again?”
“Solomon.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of you. Now lets see, the S follows the T. Okay, I guess your name
will under the Ss?”
“No, because my name is King Solomon, look
under the Ks. Hurry up, ‘cause I need to know if my name is
in that Book of Life.”
“Okay, just be patient; let me check. . . . .
Yeah, Solomon, your name is in here.”
“I’m glad to know, for you see I had a couple
of same-sex relations while I was back down there on earth, so I was just
wondering.”
“Yeah, and come to think of it, I’ve heard
about all those wild sex orgies you had, but don’t sweat the small stuff,
buddy. I can remember all those lonely nights I had out there on the water with
my fisherman buddies, and, and, well let me just say, we weren’t exactly angels
back then either.”
“You’re not telling me that . . . .”
“Hey, hey, hold on a minute, now. I’ve already talked to Jesus about this, and
he has a special section reserved for you fellows.”
“What do you mean a special section?”
“It’s a special place where all the fellows
like you will be able to sit.”
“What?”
“Yeah, and it’s okay, Solomon, you can come
on in. You won’t have to sit with all the other Christians. Jesus has a special
section reserved for you. When you walk through the door to heaven it’s the
section up on your left a little ways back. It’s not the best seat in the
house, but it’s better than the alternative.”
“Well, thanks for that. I think I know about
the alternative. Nevertheless, this is a surprise.”
“Yeah, there have been quite a few surprises
here lately, particularly back down there on earth. But it’s all okay up here. You’ll see Paul
and John back there, and, believe it or not, Thomas is back there.”
“Not the Thomas that . . . .”
“Yeah, that’s him all right. I don’t
understand it, but Jesus found out that he had a thing going on with one of the
Roman soldiers, and that’s why he did what he did.”
“Now that’s hard to believe.”
“I know, but Jesus went ahead and forgave
him, and told me to let him in. So I’m
just doing what the big man said. There’ll be some more faces back there you’ll
recognize.”
“I must say, this is some setup you’ve got
here.”
“There’s no doubt about it, this place is fit
for a king. Listen, save me a seat
‘cause, I’ll join you fellows when I finish up out here.”
------*------
“Listen up fellows. I think you know who I
am. I need to remind you that this is
heaven and things are different up here. You can be glad for you have received
the promise I made to you. There is no
need for me to be turning water into wine, and I won’t have to be pulling fish
from thin air. In about an hour I’ll be
addressing the entire heavenly bodies so take your time and look around. Just one short announcement—tomorrow night
the Golden Voice Choir will be performing here in the Concert Hall. I
understand there are now more than
10,000 voices in the choir and it will be directed by the Angel Gabriel. You
are all invited to attend. Just remember when you return sit in this same
section because it’s the place that I have reserved especially for you. Are there any questions?”
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