WHERE IT GOES NOBODY KNOWS

WHERE IT GOES NOBODY KNOWS

A nation that engages in moral decomposition creates a society of people who have lost their way. Americans were a collection of people long before they were a nation of laws. America is living poof what free people can accomplish, but when the desire for achievement becomes so great that it turns into a limitless desire for greed and power, the need for law and order becomes essential. Mankind has such a deep rooted yearning for monetary success that restraints become necessary.  When the desire for financial achievement becomes so great that honesty is removed from the road to riches, the road is then paved with corruption.

Those who provide the services, better known as the Working Class, are   by far the largest number of citizens in any society.  When the entire Working Class comes together they can control every aspect of any government. The problem is those who control the services, better known as the Upper Class, are the most intelligent. They realize they are outnumbered, thus they use the tactic of divide and conquer to keep control.  The Working Class is divided by religious affiliation, skin color, sexual orientation, and ethnic origin. Also, there are those within the Working Class who want to be affiliated with the Upper Class, creating the so-called Upper Middle Class. This divides the Working Class to the detriment of the lost of political clout.    

The balance between goods and services is essential for a stable   economy. A stable economy determines the longevity for any nation. When that equation becomes unbalanced chaos pursues. When the profit motive drives the price of goods upwards to the point that those who produce the goods cannot afford them, instability erupts. Social instability weakens a nation and makes it accessible to outside intervention.

When the desire for profit is so great that the human element is lost in the pursuit, capitalism becomes a formidable economic system. When the human component is lost, nemesis is close at hand, and capitalism is removed as an economic system to become the god of a nation.  Capitalism can be great, but when capitalism looses all aspects of humanity there is nothing worse. Also when capitalism becomes so entangled in the governmental system it produces a confusion that appears to make man incapable of governing himself.  The desire for profit can become an addiction that is worse than any physical dependency drug. US contemporary capitalism has driven the profit motive to the point that it makes communism look good.

To guarantee stability a nation must concede that all humans are important.  When the love for money compels those at the top to believe there is no significance in human life, downfall of any nation is just around the corner. When citizens become so confused that they are willing to follow leaders with no regards for that which is right from wrong, a nation is well within the confines of crumbling.  This is proven in history over and over again, but so-called intelligence seems to drive citizens away from historical facts.

Most economists predict that at some point this must change. The United States is in a better position for these changes to occur than most other nations. The framers of the US Constitution established a government based on the premise of “majority rule.” Thus, a perfect economic system that provides a true distribution of wealth is possible. The amazing aspect of the United States government provides the Working Class with the right to create a voting coalition that can deliver a perfect economic system. But the truth is US citizens have become so involved in insignificant social divisions that they are unable to acquire this important economic knowledge.

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American democracy is a government of laws and when society abandons the supremacy of laws democracy is no longer a functional government. Every day Americans see an Executive Branch aided by a Senate majority defy American laws.  If this is ruled constitutional by the Judicial Branch American democracy has reached a sad ending.   

PART SIX ---- THIS IS MY LIFE

PART SIX----THIS IS MY LIFE

A child born and raised on the edge of a Louisiana swampland I had zero knowledge of the world of homosexuality. I was ashamed of many things but homosexuality was not one of them.  I was ashamed of the log cabin we lived in. I was ashamed of the out-dated automobile my father drove. I was ashamed of the hand-me-down clothes I wore to school. I was ashamed to tell my teachers that I did not own a pair of shoes. Other than that, I was a normal boy in most every way, but many years passed before I realized the direct result of the social pressures that prevailed within the world of homosexuality.

A gay boy falling in love with a straight classmate was a recipe for failure. Nevertheless, I was left with a damaged heart. The question is then asked, “How do you mend a broken heart?” The English language does not possess a word that sufficiently describes how to fine-tune a broken heart and place it in perfect harmony with the demands of society. American society is dominated by a macho (masculinity) culture, therefore it is impossible to mend a heart broken by the confines of social norms.

In an attempt to mend a broken heart actions occurred that require regrets. “Regrets, I have a few,” but the biggest regret is the inability to forgive myself.  Forgive me for the things I have done “when I was young.”  Forgive me for the years wasted living in the closet. Forgive me for not “coming out” to my parents, especially my mother. Forgive me for the failure to provide better guidance to troubled LGBTQ students.  Forgive me for the conflicts I had with God, and the failure to understand my true purpose in life.

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The history of the universe is the history of oppression. Christianity has totally misrepresented sexual orientation. They have emphasized Biblical scriptures that fit their lifestyle and ignored others. In terms of longevity it is not even close in the number of years LGBTQ individuals have been subjugated to oppression. In counting the cost, it is unbelievable the discrimination that has needlessly been placed upon LGBTQ people. Religious oppression has been practiced around the world for thousands of years with group after group each claiming their righteousness is superior to all others. Under the present administration American Christianity has proven to the world how fragile religious doctrines really are.  

Even though it has been slow, the world is realizing the hypocrisy that is within most religious organizations. For the first time in history the public has witnessed the pealing back of layer after layer of Christianity and what it has revealed is alarming.  Christians have incorporated into their standard doctrine acts that are unbelievable sinful, and the exposure has been devastating. They are now supporting murder, pedophilia, cheating, lying, bigotry, and numerous other forms of injustices.

It does not require a genius to read the handwriting on the wall. When Christianity began to endorse sin the outcome was predictable. I began calling for change many years ago. While I was waiting for American Christianity to change, a vacation changed the path of my life. I was offered a job writing for a local newspaper in a third world country. Not only did I find a new life, but I found a novel world filled with new and different people. It is what I call my “second chance” on life. It was then that I was able to bury a constrained man and give birth to a free man in a “coming out” celebration.

Until this “coming out” experience, the highlights of my life were flat notes sung with an element of discord with each note. Now “you can tell everybody” this one time secret life of a gay boy is now the happy life of a gay man experiencing freedoms never before experienced. A mere taste of freedom meant to me never returning to the restricted walls of a closet.  If my knight in shining armor never appears, I can truthfully say, “I don’t need you anymore.”

Now I can put to rest a myth. Some say an 80 year old plant will never bloom, but I can tell you that an 80 year old man can blossom. I can also tell you that, “a whole lot-of loving,” can take place at eighty.  Lay down the walking cane, put aside the walker, and ditch the wheelchair, I am enjoying life to its fullest. Retirement could never be better!

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Congregations are in order to THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD. It is a remarkable accomplishment that students organized a march that will go down in history as one of the greatest events of all times. Millions of students from around the globe marched to bring attention to the climate crisis. Although other children marches have occurred this was the first global climate march. Hooray for students! It is unbelievable, but a number of adults, including some church leaders — pastors of large congregations --- have spoken out against the children’s march.  No longer hold my tongue! Shame on you!!! Perhaps those individuals should become familiar with their own scripture: Isaiah 11: 6 --- AND A LITTLE CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM.  I stand firmly with the children of the world who apparently are more concerned about the future of the universe than many adults.

Now I send a message to all LGBTQ children, those who are presently living and those yet to be born. Rise up young boys and girls and never be ashamed of who you are. If it can be done for climate change it can be done for equal rights. Join the fight with other minorities who have suffered at the hands of vindictive white men. The responsibility rests on your shoulders to make sure the world never forgets the brave heroes and heroines, who gave their lives so we can enjoy the rights we have today. The world must never forget the LGBTQ individuals, who were beaten, hailed to fence posts, hanged, beheaded, and pushed from tall buildings.  We must never allow any government to take away the rights we have already earned, and we must continue to fight for all our civil rights because “it’s been a long time coming, but I know change is gonna come.”

Footnote----quotations represent words taken from Rock and Roll songs that have been made famous in the USA and around the world.

PART FIVE ---- THIS IS MY LIFE

PART FIVE ---- THIS IS MY LIFE

Even though I have received numerous requests to write a detailed description of the things I have witnessed, it is a story I have refused to tell. A detailed description of the things I have seen would be nothing more than a series of pornographic events that would be disgusting to most people.  Even though I have experienced many bizarre things in the world of homosexuality; I have learned to witness many, but participate in a few. I have always wanted my life to be a positive contribution. At the end of life’s journey I would like to say, because I lived, I helped to make the world a better place.  As I approach the twilight of my life, I have doubts that my contributions have achieved that goal.

My childhood was manipulated by a series of Confederate Southern Bible Belt teachings.  I must be honest; I did not have the courage to demolish the social prison that dominated my mindset. Even today, I cannot adequately describe the emotions I faced in accepting homosexuality. However, I do know that Biblical teachings have had a profound influence on my life and in my actions.

I was born with an inquiring mind and that inquiry has lead me into some strange places and to witness some strange events. I have played pool in a lesbian bar where a truck-driver-type female beat the hell out of a straight man with a pool cue for making a pass at the person she called “her lady.”  I have been on the second floor of a gay bar during the Mardi Gras celebration in the French Quarter, New Orleans. I have seen people engaging in sexual acts that involve just about any position known to mankind.  Even though I did not fully understand, I engaged in the thought, this is none of my business. I have learned that simply because I may not agree with certain actions, or I may not choose to participate in certain activities, it does not give me the right to prevent others from participating.

I am an “out of the closet” openly gay male but it is amazing the depth of the mindset concerning homosexuals that is rooted deep in my physic.  For example, I still cringe when I see two men kissing. I know that a kiss is just a kiss and it is an expression of love, but the teachings of the Bible still present an emotion of disgust. Nevertheless, I am capable of turning my head and saying to myself, “it’s none of my business.”  It has taken a while for me to confirm my commitment to “same-sex marriage.” Nevertheless, I respect love and I believe adults should have the right to love the person of their choice.   

There are different beliefs in the manner in which the human body can be publicly displayed. I happen to be one of those individuals who appreciate a beautiful female or a well-developed male body. However, I believe there are certain bodies that should be covered. If the person is an adult, and if the person chooses to display his or her body in full Monty; I choose to watch. In my world it is called entertainment.

I doubt if anyone would disagree with the statement that it takes a variety of foods to satisfy human hunger. The same is true concerning thirst. It is also true concerning the act of sexual gratification. Like it or not; agree or disagree; but there is something engraved in the human brain that says the grass is greener on the other side of sexual gratification, and humans strive for the search. Each year hundreds die in an attempt to achieve the ultimate climax.

For years I taught students that it is impossible to pass legislation that regulates morality. I believe it is no concern of government as to what occurs in the bedroom of two or more consenting adults. The only time government should have a role in the sex act is when under age individuals are involved, and when harm occurs to an unwilling participant. I believe laws will never be able to enforce morality. Government will never be able to place one policeman with each person 24-7. Somewhere down the line individuals must be trusted to discern that which is right from that which is wrong and live accordingly.

In one of my younger years I happen to be standing on a street corner in one of America’s major cities when I observed a person on his hands and knees in the middle of the street headed in my direction. This person had a chain around his neck and behind him, holding the chain was an adult male. The two individuals continued and for some strange reason stopped directly in front of me. The person on his hands and knees was wearing a leather dog muzzle, and had strips of black leather around his body that covered his vital parts; otherwise he was without clothes.  Around his neck was a choke collar that was connected to the chain. The middle-aged man holding the chain was shirtless, and wearing tight, black, leather pants.

At the time I knew nothing about the world of leather, or dominant sexual relations. Even though I was startled I wasn’t speechless. I immediately began asking questions.  The guy with the chain around his neck assured me of two things. First of all, that he was of age, that he was not some underage teenager serving as a slave to an adult master.  Secondly, he was participating in this act of his own free will. The person holding the chain never spoke a word, he just looked at me as if to say, if this was illegal do you think I would be out in the middle of the public showing it off.  As the two headed off down the street, I had to shake my head in near disbelief but remind myself, “This is none of my business, understand it or not; agree or disagree; it takes a variety of individuals to make the world go round.”

PART FOUR ---- THIS IS MY LIFE

PART FOUR ---THIS IS MY LIFE

I want to make this perfectly clear I do not receive any pleasure in destroying the character of others. On the other hand, I receive no pleasure in remaining silent while others attempt to destroy mine. It was only when I began to speak openly concerning the dishonesty of the Donald Trump administration, that a small group of Trump supporters began a character assassination on the messenger. The oldest defense mechanism in history to defend the guilty is to destroy the character of the messenger.

Trump supporters have attempted to destroy my character in an attempt to keep opposing opinions from surfacing. I have been asked by numerous individuals why I have remained silent while other shady characters have used lies in an attempt to silence me.  The time has come that I will answer that question. Here is where I put the shoe on the other foot.

I will state categorically some of the facts that I know to be true concerning individuals who have been involved in attempting to destroy my integrity.  One of these individuals has an arrest record a mile long, yet he has the audacity to try to destroy the character of someone else.  He is a man who has spent a lifetime impregnating young girls, and never providing financial support for any of the children. He is a man who has been arrested for male prostitution in a gay park, but now spends time spreading lies in an attempt to destroy the morality of other gay individuals.

It is true that in an attempt to keep my sexuality in the closet I discovered some very shady characters attempting to extort money from gay men. There were several attempts made to expose my sexuality to the leadership of the teaching profession, if I did not provide certain individuals with large amounts of money. Each time I flatly refused and called their bluff!  Even though it caused many sleepless nights, it worked. I completed my profession with full retirement and a spotless record. 

I would now like to say to those members of my family who have attempted to belittle my status as a respectable human, I am proud to say a different blood flows through my veins.  I do not support racists, rapists, or liars.  Your support of the likes of Donald Trump and “Moscow Mitch” has created a lifetime of differences that I doubt will ever heal.  Don’t you ever expect me to support a political party or the leadership of a political party who voted to deny 500,000 school children one free meal? I was a school teacher for many years, and I have experienced hungry children who depended on the one free meal at school, as their only meal for the day.  Yes, I am PROUD to say a different blood flows through my veins.

Let me continue; your support for the inhumane conditions of children put in cages at the Southern border disgusts me to the lowest pits of my stomach.  Of course, you won’t read this because when narrow minds are confronted with the truth, all they can do is ignore it. You have become a member of a political cult that will be recorded in history as one of the worse things that has happened to America.      

In my lifetime there is no truer example of “birds of a feather flocking together” than the supporters of the most corrupt president in the history of the United States. It is dangerous to allow someone else to think for us. It is hazardous to depend upon others to define truth.  It is a disgrace to be a human and be unable to discern between that which is right from that which is wrong. 

I want to make my position perfectly clear, when I see members of my race confronting people of color with racial slurs and acts of prejudice it widens the gap that separates us. I don’t know exactly what the Bible has to say about this, but I know it is wrong! I am proud to be a Southern gay man who sees beauty in all skin colors. I am grateful that I realize the importance of diversity and am honored to be a part of a diverse universe.  I would like to assure all Christians that hell is no longer my destiny, and it is the strength provided to me by my creator that I am able to fulfill my purpose on earth.

PART THREE --- THIS IS MY LIFE

PART THREE---THIS IS MY LIFE

It was a playhouse that could only come from the imagination of a preschooler who had no knowledge of television, telephones, or electricity. It was a kid playing in the white sands shaded by the sweet gum trees. A make-belief farm with plenty of land, a nice house, and tooth pick fence posts connected with white cotton string.  Many animals carved from sweet gum balls and pine cones.  A hand-made toy truck, complete with wooden wheels, that was used for transportation to the make-belief market. Money grew on trees. A farm that consisted of well cultivated rows of blades of green grass, that represented stalks of corn. It was a well designed farm complete with a farm pond and pieces of a broken mirror used to symbolize water, with hand-carved ducks swimming all in a row. I lived the life of a Louisiana farm boy who had little knowledge of the outside world. Even though I lived in a not so fancy house, it was a home filled with unconditional love.  

I was enchanted by the new world that opened when I was bused off to school. I wasn’t so sure about this thing called education; but I was sure I wanted more. Soon I was high school graduate, with a college degree, and a Southern gay man, who realized at an early age that struggles would not be easy. I was taught that my sexual orientation was an abomination to God, and that hell was my destiny.  I had no other choice, at the time, but to believe my fate.

After several years of teaching high school English, I settled on a job teaching Civics in a Magnet School in Little Rock, Arkansas. This job provided many opportunities, but the main objective was to satisfy my interest in politics. To make the job more interesting I had the unique experience to be a teacher in a school where Bill and Hillary Clinton were parents. I learned to appreciate both of them as dedicated parents with interests that expanded into all aspects of public education.

The decision to continue teaching until I qualified for retirement was one of the best decisions I ever made. When you’ve been a poor man most of your life, and you finally have enough money to pursue your dreams; life takes on a complete different meaning. I was never satisfied with my life in the closet, yet I feared being fired. Nevertheless, I learned to fill the days with so much work that I had little time to think about sexual desires.

Moving outside the USA gave me a second chance on life. I have always had an interest in the people of the world, and I had doubts concerning the way social problems were approached in the USA. I made the decision late in life to visit other countries, and to be more than just a tourist. It was important to get to know the people, see how they lived, and if possible how they think.  What really happened in the process, I became endeared to Eastern culture, and it made a dramatic change in my way of thinking. The policy of acceptance is woven deep into the Buddhists religion and this was helpful in formulating a favorable opinion of me and others like me.       

Since I started on this journey and began expressing my opinions in a writer’s blog, I have been accused of many things. One thing is for certain, I do not hate America. I have learned that there are limited opportunities for individuals in other countries, and that knowledge has given me a greater appreciation of America. There is no doubt that I am where I am today, because I was born in the land of opportunity.

I always had opinions concerning elected officials, but none greater than Donald Trump. I do not believe that evil deeds can be ignored by religion, especially Christianity. I believe that Christians should endorse honesty and defy liars. I believe that America democracy is experiencing a great test, and I hope when this test is over, that democracy will be declared the undisputed winner.  

PART TWO --- THIS IS MY LIFE

PART TWO---THIS IS MY LIFE

I started writing when I was in elementary school. When I was 10 years old I wrote a love story that was entitled, “AN UPSTAIRS AFFAIR.” It was written on plain notebook paper with pencil, and placed in the mail. It was turned down by several romance magazines that were popular at that time. Somewhere it got lost in the shuffle! In the sixth grade I wrote a children’s story about the marriage between a cat and a mouse. It was an adventure about the three offspring’s that were called karats. My sixth grade teacher kept the story and was planning to have it published. During the summer she experienced a terrible death in her family; she moved away, with my story, and I never heard from her again. I tried several times to rewrite the story but to no avail.

After that time, I became interested in high school studies and did very little writing.  After high school I became occupied trying to maintain good grades in college and work at the same time.  My writing career suffered because it was at that time I realized I was not the so-called red-blooded American boy that society expected me to be. I was faced with maintaining good grades in college, working a full-time job, and dealing with, what was thought to be at the time, an abnormal sexual desire.

After college, in an attempt to solve the problem, I enrolled in the seminary where I took advanced studies in the Bible. Finally, after coming to the conclusion that God was not going to solve my problem, I went back to the university and earned a degree in education. I enjoyed teaching school, but I had to be careful to make sure that my sex life was not openly revealed.  It was well known that gay school teachers could be fired.

I soon realized that teaching school was not going to provide the financial success I desired. So I started a part-time job in the retail sales of musical instruments. The business grew into much more than I anticipated, and I stayed with it. For thirty-two years I taught school, and with the help of others, I owned and operated two retail music stores.

However, I never lost my desire to write. At first, I wrote and published what were called, “A Common Thought for the Common Man,” which were a series of simple statements that provided food for thought. An example, “The skeletons in your closet will rattle.”  Several of these common thoughts were published in local newspapers.

When I finally made what I thought was enough money to provide for a respectable retirement, I left teaching, sold the businesses, and started on a journey. My journey led me to Thailand where I was offered a job writing for an English language newspaper. Soon I was writing for another newspaper and then on to a magazine. My life had taken a big turn and that turn was to happiness. While all of this was taking place, I found the love of my life and then things really came together.

It was then that I started writing and publishing short stories. They are not that great, but one or two of them have been acclaimed to be interesting.  To name a few, “Grandma and the Billy Goat” – “Show Down on Bus Route # 3” -- and “Revival Time,” have been read by many people and reported to be above average and exciting. They are now part of the Southern Humor Series.

As the saying goes, if you want people to read your book, write a better book. My desire is to write a book that will be so well written and interesting, readers will find joy in reading. My recent publication is entitled, “Welcome to the Door --- This One Swings Both Ways.” It is recommended reading for 18 year old and older. I am also writing Opinion Editorials; which are called Op. ED.’s. They are published on the internet in a writer’s blog entitled, WORDSFROMMRD.COM. My Op. ED.’s are read by English speaking people in several countries around the world including the U.S.A.

I have been asked several times what I think about the members of my family who refuse to read any of my books. My answer is, first of all, I consecrate on those who do read, and there are many. Second, I listen to the whisper of a divine voice that tells me there will come a time when great, great, generations, or even great, great, great,  generations will seek to read the materials of one of those who set the foundation for the Tippen legacy.   

One of these days I just might stumble upon a short story, a novel, a poem, or an Op. Ed., that will be read by millions. I have already achieved some fairly significant numbers, but my ultimate goal is one million. Out of a population of 7.2 billion, one million is not an unreasonable goal.  Think seriously for just a moment about the title of my resent novel --- WELCOME TO THE DOOR—THIS ONE SWINGS BOTH WAYS. This book involves some sadness, much more happiness, and a great deal of excitement. So, regardless of what you read, do yourself a favor and continue reading.

It has been said that people will never get tired of a good love story. I have been told by numerous individuals that THE MAMA MILLER LOVE STORY is a really good story.  Most people take their marriage vows serious especially the words “in sickness and in health.” This story describes the lifetime devotion of a man whose life was an example of unconditional love. This love story is published with Amazom.com. and is still in print and can be purchased through Amazon.com website. 

PART ONE --- THIS IS MY LIFE

PART ONE --- THIS IS MY LIFE

A gay Louisiana teenager in the heart of the Bible Belt presented an outside appearance of stability but inside was a disturbed and confused young boy. As most young LGBTQ individuals, I gave being gay one big fight. I tried everything known to mankind to change my sexuality, but it all failed. At first, I tried to convince myself that I was not gay, that it was just a period in life that every boy goes through, and that it would change with time. I tried relationships with the opposite sex, but they all proved to be unsuccessful. 

Frustrated and bewildered, my last resort was religion!  After four years of college, I enrolled in a seminary and took advanced studies in the Bible. Religion was very serious because I believed if I followed the straight and narrow and if I prayed enough, one day God would touch me with his magical wand and change me into a straight man. But for me that did not happen!

After years at the seminary, I went back to the university and earned a degree in English and Social Studies Education. At the beginning of my teaching career I was given a job teaching English in an all black high school. It was a time when students taught the teacher more than the teacher taught the students. The most beneficial factor in preparing for a diverse society came at the hands of black students.  My experiences with African American students provided the framework for success in an integrated public school system.

My job teaching school was interesting and rewarding. During those years many students, both black and white, came to me with sexual problems because there was no place else to go.  Many of these were very troubled students with sexual desires they did not understand. From my own experiences, I could have helped these students much more than I did, but for 32 years I lived in fear of being fired if my sexuality was exposed.  As I look back, I should have said the heck with the job and provided those students with the counseling they really needed. It is a shame that the dynamic of fear prevents many gay teachers from doing more to help students. For me, I live with names and regrets still today of students who took their own lives.

Teenagers are faced with many emotional problems and when sexual orientation is added, it becomes more than they can handle.  Students are not getting the proper help they need, because schools are not equipped to handle teenage sexual problems. Therefore, without proper counseling hundreds of teenagers take their own lives each year. This is a problem that can and should be prevented.

Christianity and Islam religions have made a horror story out of being gay, where there is no horror story! It is an absolute fact that religious teachings are the primary cause of teenage suicides. It is a pathetic situation that so-called Christians go around patting themselves on the back for what they consider to be upholding Biblical teachings. However, there are no Christians who are 100% in accordance with all Biblical teachings. But yet, they cherry pick the doctrines that cause the voluntary deaths of hundreds of teenagers each year.  

Sexual orientation is established at conception and the individual has no choice in the matter. For an uninformed preacher to stand in a pulpit and declare death to all LGBTQ individuals is the most ignorant thing any person can do in a civilized society. In fact, primitive societies practiced better ways in the acceptance of different sexual orientations. America should be a progressive society and the progress of acceptance should be moving at a much faster pace.

However, some progress has been made even though the Trump administration is trying to backtrack. I wish I could say there would never be another homeless teenager or another teenage suicide caused by sexual orientation, but I fear that will not be the case. Even though the road ahead may be better, there is still a long way to go. Too many young people have died for reasons that could have been prevented and too many adults have died in shame.

Moving outside the United States strengthened my gay life, and I am blessed to have the opportunity of living with millions of others who are LGBTQ. They have given me the strength and courage to be proud of the person I am. We are a mixed society of all races and all sexual orientations, and we get along extremely well with each other. I have no desire to live again in a situation where I am treated as a second or third class citizen.